One-Piece Swimsuits With or Without Skirts: Pack 3 for Vacations
by Tina Boomerina (Christina Gregoire)
Just when you thought it was safe to go back outside because summer is almost over… it’s time to think about swimsuits again. Oh, the horror… the horror. However, if you don’t own at least three adorable bathing suits, you should be looking around for a new swimsuit… right now.
Well… as soon as the cold wind starts to blow past your front door, you're going to be online trying to book a cheap cruise or a discount hotel room in some warm-weather destination.
(And, you thought we weren't watching you during your lunch hour. Everyone knows you shop online as soon as your boss leaves the room... haha. We ALL do it.)
Of course, you could stay in your muumuu during your entire vacation, however I’d hate to have to read about some poor woman who drowned in a hotel pool because she tried to swim in her long dress.
So... here I am to the rescue.
Well, if I can't make you look skinny, I can at least let you know you're not alone in this adventure.
Pack 3 One-Piece Swimsuits
Why do you need to bring three bathing suits on your vacation?
All of you know why you need to pack two swimsuits, because you’ve all tried shimmying into damp swimsuits before.
Hey, it was hard enough to put on a wet swimsuit when you were in your 20s, but now that you’re over 50, you know it’s a herculean task.
You can huff and puff and tug until you’re red in the face and you fall over from swearing, crying, and laughing… but it all comes down to physics.
Swimsuits and the Laws of Physics:
The first law of friction states that when wet Lycra and dry fat come into contact, the frictional force is proportional to the differential between the real size of the swimsuit and the actual size of the woman. Of course, you can’t forget the time element: The friction differential must be multiplied by the number of times someone has yelled, “It’s time to go… just put on any bathing suit! Nobody cares what you wear.”
So, the next time you’re lying on the floor of some hotel room… contemplating the laws of science... while attempting to pull on a wet swimsuit… I want you to remember me.
Swimsuits and the Law of the Chicken Suit:
Actually, you probably think you’re one step ahead of me, because you always pack two bathing suits when you go on holiday... even for short trips. Well, I’m here to tell you that all women should pack at least THREE swimsuits. And, that’s because all women bring at least one chicken suit.
Chicken suits are swimsuits you optimistically place into your suitcase when you’re feeling all snug and comfortable in the privacy of your own home. Then, at the moment of truth... when you face the prospect of actually wearing that swimsuit out of your hotel room… in broad daylight… you chicken out.
That's why you need to pack 3 or more bathing suits. One of them is bound to be a chicken suit. Makes sense, right?
One-Piece Swimsuits with Skirts
If you’re a pear-shaped woman (a gal with huge hips and/or a big booty), you probably think you must wear a swimsuit with a skirt. You know what I mean... a swimdress... one of those things that looks like the mini dresses you wore in the 60s or 70s... and wouldn't be caught dead in today... except at the beach.
Well, I don't know you, so I don’t know whether a swimskirt is right for you or not. However, I can give you some tips that might help you decide if a swimdress will be flattering on you or make you look worse than a regular suit.
You need to take into account the length and color of the skirt. And, for that, you should know a few elements of art, so you can use use them when you're trying on swimsuits and swimdresses... ewww... a shudder just went through my body.
If you had the same reaction, remember that we all feel your pain. However, you need to buck up. It's not going to be any easier to find a good swimsuit two days before you leave.
One-Piece Swimsuits and the Elements of Design
Think of yourself as a work of art.
When you need to camouflage certain areas and draw attention to others, you should consider using the basic elements of design.
Okay, I’m telling you about these things because I’ve taken a lot of art classes. Hey, I’m not a great artist... I'm kind of a lousy artist (who hits a lucky combination every now and then)... but I do remember something about focal points and the basic concepts I learned in school.
Here are the elements of art you should pay attention to when you're looking at swimsuits:
- Shape: Shapes are defined by edges. This is important because the human eye follows edges. This means that the edge (hem) of your swimskirt is where people are going to look. And, if you put a dark swimskirt next to your lily-white thighs, the difference in value (black and white) is going to make your thighs a real focal point. (Probably not the look you’re going for.)
- Form: Form has to do with volume or perceived volume. In paintings and drawings, this involves shading. In clothing and swimsuit design, this involves altering your form with color blocking (a crude form of shading).
- Line: Obviously, you know what lines are, but curvy lines have a different feel than straight lines. And, patterns with diagonal lines are wonderful for women who want to appear taller and thinner.
- Color: Color involves hue (name), intensity (brightness), and value (lightness or darkness). When you put complementary colors (red/green, blue/orange, purple/yellow) next to each other, people are drawn to the area where the hues clash. Of course, when you put extreme values next to each other (black and white), you get a similar result.
- Texture: Texture can be tactile or visual (like a pattern). And, texture can either draw attention or repel attention (like camouflage).
Tips for Plus Size Swimsuits
If you'll look at the numbered photos of plus-size swimsuits with skirts, I'll tell you what I think is good about each of these swimsuits:
- 1. Black can be tricky. In real life, people will notice your thighs if you wear this suit and you're pale. Black is slimming, but this basic swimdress doesn't have a lot of distractions, although the ruching at the boobs helps.
- 2. This swimdress is better because the cream bodice and the buttons create cute, but discreet, distractions.
- 3. This mid-tone blue is one of my favorite colors. The nautical stripes balance out the skirt nicely and make this type of suit perfect for a cruise.
- 4. Violet is a flattering color. The asymmetrical skirt and the cleavage keep people from staring at your thighs and tush.
Okay, on to the regular swimsuits:
- 5. Zebra stripes are good distractions. There is no solid line where the suit hits your thighs.
- 6. The different values of blue (and white) lead the eye away from the thighs and tush... and guide everyone's attention upward.
- 7. Wild tropical prints have the same good qualities as animal prints.
- 8. This nice one-piece suit combines color blocking with an attention-grabbing print. It leads the eye away from trouble spots.
What is Your Best Swimsuit Style?
What did you discover?
Are you better off with a regular one-piece swimsuit or a swimsuit with a skirt? It depends... You need to consider the color of the bathing suit, the point where the suit (or skirt) hits your thigh, and the focal points designed into the swimsuit. Then, ask a four year old what she thinks.
More Fashion Articles for Boomer Women Over 40, 50, 60:
Photo Credits: Marisota prshots.com.
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