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Could You Be the Target For a Psycho?

by Wanda S Maxey

I was the target for a psycho, but I didn't have a clue until our wedding night, and it wasn't even my first wedding. I had been happily married, most of the time, for over thirty-two years to Buddy. We were both going through a divorce when we met, so we had the bond of a broken heart.

I Had a Loving, Caring Husband

Buddy was an easy going and loveable person who didn't know the meaning of the word, “abuse.” We became best friends. Two and a half years later, he asked me to marry him. My broken heart had healed; there was a new love in my life and I couldn't have been happier.

We shared many things throughout the years: raising our children, building our own house on 40 Acres, and most importantly, giving our hearts to the Lord on the same day. Our lives changed forever. We found joy and a peace that we couldn't explain, and God helped us through whatever trial we faced.

I Lost My Husband

Then, our lives together ended one sad day in June of 2005. My beloved, Buddy, disappeared from my arms into the arms of an angel. Pancreatic cancer claimed his life. My heart had been ripped out of me and I didn't think I could go on. I even got mad at God one day, and screamed at Him, “Why did you take him away from me?”

God answered me clearly, not out loud, but in my spirit, “I didn't take him away from you, he wasn’t yours. He belongs to me.” That was so true. Then, God held my hand and walked me through the lowest point of my life.

Online Dating

Two years later, loneliness and desperation sent me looking for a new love on the Internet. People warned me about all the online predators, but I figured I could easily spot them. I had a specific type of man I was looking for. First and foremost, I wanted a man who was a Christian, since I was. I wanted a widower who was intelligent, caring, and honest. My profile, “Hopeful Heart Looking for Honest Man,” only helped to advertise that I was a lonely and vulnerable widow.

A man sent me four messages, before I finally responded, telling me that he was interested. I clicked, “Send,” and a sweet-talker from the South entered my life. He seemed to be the one I had hoped to find. After thirty-two years of marriage, I assumed that I knew what it was all about. I thought he was out there waiting, just for me, and he was, but not in the way, I had hoped.

He Pushed to Get My Attention

The man online wanted to get on instant message. “You'll like it,” he said, “and email takes too long.”He wanted to know my favorite color. Then, he set it up so little red heart icons drifted from the top and floated over all our messages. His words came in red text. The cards started coming. When I would open my computer in the morning, I'd find a new card. “Don't you ever sleep?” I'd ask. “When nature calls at night,” he'd say, “I think of you, so I send you a card.”

He Told Me He Loved Me - A Little Too Soon

After less than a week, he sent a card that read, “God Loves You, and So Do I.” He loves me already? I thought, "Is that even possible?"

Then, he wanted my email address. Love songs started showing up in my inbox. He promised to sing me a song if I'd give him my phone number. The calls started, almost non-stop. He ended each call with singing me a love song and my heart melted with every note of his wonderful bass voice.

And then he lied to me. Once, then again, and again. But, who was I to judge him, I thought, he has so many other good things going for him. We haven't even met yet. And, like he told me, “If you don’t forgive, then God won't forgive you.” So, I forgave him. “Oh,” he said, “I knew that you'd be a very forgiving lady.”

We Met Face to Face

After two months online, we met face to face. He was so good with words, he could have charmed a mother bird off her nest. Love speaks in different ways to people. To me, love meant spending quality time together, no matter what we did. And, he gave me that time. All of his attention was on me.

He never wanted to talk about himself, even though I tried to get him to open up. He was wearing a mask called, “Mr. Right,” and I could not see beyond all of his empty words. He knew what I needed to hear. His words eased the pain I'd felt for the past couple of years. I didn't think I'd ever find love again and I was a willing target for his aching-heart surgery. However, I loved every minute and he was rocking my world. He opened the doors for me. He never failed to pray that Jesus would be the center of our lives. He called me, “Sweetheart,” and told me I was beautiful, intelligent, and so much more.

I wondered if he'd be a good kisser, or if he'd even like mine. But, with our first kiss, the chemistry between us was unreal. Wow! It was even better than I had expected and my heart came alive. He put on a real show with all of his constant charm throughout our whirlwind romance.

Then He Proposed

When he thought he had me hooked, he suddenly jerked on the line with his all-too-soon proposal of marriage. Thoughts of wedded bliss clouded my eyes and I could not say, “Yes,” fast enough. I was totally under his control. Ultimately, that is what a psychopath or sociopath wants more than anything. Their lives are all about control. Oh, I'd heard about Ted Bundy and others like him. But, I didn’t know that sociopaths, or psychopaths, or people with personality disorders could walk and live among us and fit in so well. We can't see the evil that may be lurking inside the charming body. These men and women are not crazy; they know exactly what they are doing.

Everything Changed After Marriage

But...after marriage...I started feeling like a fish out of water, struggling to stay alive. He even admitted that he was not a Christian. He knew I would not have given him a second thought, otherwise, so he lied. He spoke all the right language and he was a very deceptive liar. Only through much prayer, and with the help of family and friends, was I able to get away safely. God rescued me, gently took my hand again, and walked me through another valley in my life.

Things to Watch For:

Buddy, the husband I lost, was a good man, so I had never experienced anything like this before.  There were clues that my “Southern Gentleman” gave me, if only I had been looking for them.  Here are a few:

  • He pushed a little too hard to get my email address and phone number.
  • He overloaded me with online cards and told me he loved me before he really knew me.
  • He never talked about himself, so I knew nothing about his background.
  • He was “a little too perfect.”  If something seems too good to be true, it probably is.
  • He lied more than once.
  • He proposed right away.

I was very lonely and “Mr. Right” knew that from my profile.  This made me a prime target for him.  So, if you go online or meet someone new in the “real” world, you should keep my story in mind.  You might even want to read my book to understand what type of men are out there.

About Wanda S Maxey:

Love and Abuse on 40 Acres


More Articles for Baby Boomers:

Hot Boots for Fall 2012: Women Over 40 or 50

Online Dating Websites: Cookie and Magnus 

Hippie Wedding Dresses for a Casual Bohemian Chic Celebration

Free Places to Make Friends After Your Divorce

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Wanda Maxey's passions are reading, writing, and trying to capture that unique moment with her Sony Cyber-shot. Her hope is to share the things she believes that God lays on her heart, to help others. "I’ve learned some important lessons through years of hard life experiences. Some of my stories are very painful to write, but God keeps me going and growing."

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  1. Christina Gregoire

    Wanda, that is a terrible story. I'm so sorry. I have written a lot of divorce articles on Suite101.com and it's very difficult to write about divorce. But, I tell myself that I'm helping other people avoid the problems I went through. Your situation is a lot more difficult than mine was, but I empathize with you. Writing about difficulties in life seems to help. The pain never goes away, but writing your story does help.

  2. One of my stories is featured today on Boomerinas | Windowpane Writing

    [...] She has a wonderful website for Baby Boomers. Do yourself a favor & check it out HERE. [...]

  3. One of my stories is featured today on Boomerinas - Wanda S Maxey

    [...] She has a wonderful website for Baby Boomers. For lots of great tips and interesting stories, check it out HERE. [...]

    • Tina


      I left a comment on your site explaining why women should read your book and your articles. It just might help someone avoid a similar situation.

      Tina Boomerina