Are Boomerinas Too Old to Use Swear Words?
by Tina Boomerina (Christina Gregoire)
Now, that we, Boomer Chicks, are a bit…ahem…older, can we still get away with using words that are regularly bleeped out of hillbilly-magnetized reality shows?
And, can you and I continue to utter those same expressions that filled the bill so alluringly during our Vietnam-era protests? Or, will cussing make us sound like little old ladies who are half a step away from pushing our bundled belongings down the streets in our rusty shopping carts? Well, I don’t know if I have the answer. There are times when swear words will not make people faint, and there are times when we will be punished for our openness.
Life After Kids:
Boomer Chicks always knew, in general, that it was inappropriate to swear at our jobs unless we found ourselves working as barmaids. And, once we started having kids, you and I (and our significant others) learned to substitute “heck” or “What the hey” for H-E-Double-Hockey-Sticks. Of course, when our kids started school, we turned doubly vigilant about the suitability of our language.
And, all Boomer moms became fanatically conscientious about not using bad words within earshot of PTA and Brownie meetings, for fear that our children might be shunned as potential carriers of the dreaded and viral “potty mouth” disease...the only affliction worse than lice.
The Power of the F-Word:
On the other hand, once a person has discovered the power of throwing out an occasional Molotov F-bomb, it’s hard to go back to the Queen’s pre-cuss English. Not many adjectives hold the same satisfying efficacy as the F-word when conjoined with “ing”. Not many exclamatory remarks roll off the tongue quite as well as, “Holy S***!” when something goes extremely right or extremely wrong. And, there are few alternatives, which carry the same weight, as calling an unalterable jerk an “A-hole”.
The Kids Are Grown:
Now that our kids are grown, or out of the house most of the time, are we allowed to let those cuss words leak back into our psyches? Did they ever really leave? I seem to be finding myself wanting to swear from time to time. Oh, it’s not so bad when I’m conversing in the privacy of my own non-attached, single-family dwelling, but should I allow the occasional bad word to leak into my emails or my articles, or should I be a chicken-s*** and edit them out?
The Power of Google Ranking:
Okay. If you don’t know who I am by now, you soon will. I’m a Boomer Chick of late 1952 vintage. And, I’m remarried to someone whose first job was on a loading dock in New Hampshire, where he learned to talk like a rutting sailor. (For example, as I sit typing at my desk, at this very moment, he has just yelled, “Those c***s***ers sent me the wrong f***ing stuff,” after opening a UPS package.) Well, being around this behavior all day, every day, has chipped away at my vocabulary…and my sensibilities.
My problem is that I have become an internet writer. And, every now and then, I feel the urge to slip a verboten word into one of my articles. In my hypnotic, writing state, I feel that the F-word, and others of that ilk, might position me as a hip female, unafraid to speak my mind and, thus, someone who can be taken seriously as a trustworthy soul. And, I really want you to consider me a trustworthy source of information.
However, if I use a bad word in one of my articles, there is a chance that my Mormon friends will picket my house and that Google will downgrade my egregious article. (What that means, for those of you who think SEO is an airport in Korea, is that you won’t be able to find my Boomerina website.) Well, the rebellious side of me says, “F*** Google,” but the ambitious, capitalist, kiss-a** side of me says, “You gotta be good.”
Alternative Swear Words for Google Sensibilities:
I’ve come up with a list of alternate words to use in my writing. If you have other faux cuss words, please add them in the comment section. I’m looking for a whole truckload of pseudo-swear words that might carry the same punch as the real deal.
Fake Swear Words I Like F-word:
- Flurk, Flurking
- Flunk, Flunking
- Frak, Frakking
- Shizzle, Shizzlehead
- Holy flurking schnitt!
- Holy Shibletts!
- Sweet Zombie Jesus! (This came from a holy roller.)
- Bad Mutha Shut-Yo-Mouth (Theme from Shaft)
I think I have more of these on a list somewhere, but it really is a pain in the ashcan to find goodies that work as well as the originals. I want the original dirty words; not the fake ones!
Photo Credits: Flickr Creative Commons:
- Main Photo: SmashMirrorCardboardFaces.
- Are Boomer Women Too Old to Swear? Caelie_Framptons.
More Articles for Hip Older Women:
One Piece Swimsuits With or Without Skirts: Pack 3 for Vacations (Swimsuits are sure to bring the F-bomb out into the open.)
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