It’s Not My Birthday! Baby Boomer Rant at 63
by Tina Boomerina (Christina Gregoire)
It’s not my birthday. It’s not another year. I don’t have birthdays. I’m a baby boomer. I can’t be a “geriatric baby” boomer, can I? It’s an oxymoron. It’s impossible. I can’t be 63. I can’t trust myself because I’m over thirty. It’s all a bad dream.
Actually, I forgot it was my birthday. I always do. If I ignore those things, they’ll go away… right?
Facebook: A Boomer's Birthday
If my kids didn’t call me, I wouldn’t remember it was my birthday. If my husband didn’t put another bad photo of me on Facebook to remind my kids, they wouldn’t call me.
That’s the birthday surprise I get every year…seeing that photo. I never know what my husband will show the world. Even when it’s not October 23, I never know when I’ll find some horrid photo of myself online… with no warning.
Baby Boomer Face Lift?
It’s not enough to be facing this face in the mirror every day… and thinking to myself, “Should I find a plastic surgeon and get my jowls tucked and my fatty under-chin liposuctioned?”
Not quite yet... I’ve seen too many bad face lifts with people I know… squinty hamster eyes, perpetually startled eyebrows, funny Botoxed slits instead of almond eyes, crooked foreheads, and more.
And, then… there are all those people I don’t know. What am I supposed to think when I see those TV expose's of botched face lifts, or scary ads with a strangely puffed-out Cindy Williams (Shirley, not Laverne), or those eyebrows perched up high like a bird on Marie Osmond’s new face.
Ten years ago, I would have considered having work done, but my favorite plastic surgeon died. I have no plastic surgeon I trust as much. “It’s better to send that extra money to my kids and ignore those wrinkles. OMG, I’m not having another birthday. I just funking had one!”
Yes, that’s me talking to myself in the mirror.
“Eventually I'll do something to this face. When I'm desperately ugly... that's when I’ll get a face lift. When my face really sags and I look like Mother Theresa, I’ll have nothing to lose." (Of course, I may be reaching that point sooner than anticipated.)
Every Day is my Birthday
If asking people to forget my birthday isn’t working… and it clearly isn’t… maybe I should try another approach.
I can’t seem to erase my birthday from my driver’s license and my family’s memory, so maybe I could try making every day my birthday.
Hey, every day I wake up is a good day. So, every day I wake up is a celebration… a miracle (at my age, with my health concerns)… a new day of my life… a rebirth-day.
Yes, today is my birthday. And, if I wake up tomorrow, tomorrow is my birthday… or un-birthday… or whatever I feel like calling it. You and I can celebrate our birthdays every day we wake up. Or, we can celebrate Boomerina’s Day today (or tomorrow or every day).
Can it be Boomerina's Day Instead of Birth Day?
Maybe it would be less horrible if I attached a different name to October 23… a date that once filled me with anticipation and now fills me with dread. Can’t we just delete the word birthday from every book and movie and webpage… for once and for all?
Age 63 is Almost Age 65
I’m feeling nothing. I’m just feeling one year closer to 65, the traditional “age of retirement”. Not that I’ll ever retire.
Sure, I’ve been slacking in the blog department for about a month, but I’ve been trying to teach myself how to paint portraits in watercolors. And, it hasn't been going as planned. I'm not good with either watercolors (you can't erase anything) or portraits (way too hard).
And, since it’s my non-birthday, I’m giving myself the non-birthday present of this rambling blog. It’s always fun to ramble on about whatever’s on my mind and know that someone somewhere is going to read it.
Free-associating and playing with random ideas is always a joy… a present to myself, if you will.
Best Baby Boomer Present
If I could give myself a real birthday present it would be a single day where I was allowed to ask my adult children questions and get answers… instead of being blocked from texts and emails.
I suppose the one question I would ask would be something related to the possibility of having grandchildren someday. I dare not broach the subject in real life… for obvious reasons. (Hopefully, my kids will never read this.)
The possibility of grandchildren is something I dare not even think about… for fear my children might know me too well and read my thoughts. If they heard me say anything about having kids, I would never hear from them again…
…until they needed money.
And… yes, I have step-grandchildren. I even have step-great-grandchildren. They are all adorable. They are all cute or beautiful or handsome (and they really are). I love them.
However, as nice as it is to have a huge stepfamily, it’s not quite the same.
I can’t annoy the parents of my step-grandchildren on the same level. I can’t laugh at how they are doing everything (with their own kids) that they said they’d never do… reenacting the very things they disliked about my parenting style.
That weird historical bond is not there, so it’s not the same. It’s close. It may be the closest I’ll ever come. I shouldn’t complain.
However, it would be nice to have a bio grandchild of “my own”... one who looks like me. Actually, I should say “one who looks unlike me”. My ex has dominant genes. Both of my children look like him...
Well, I guess my kids look like me a little. They got the perfect mixture of my ex-husband’s genes and my genes. Both of my daughters are stunningly beautiful. Both of their births were a birthday gift to me. I mean, I was concerned my kids would inherit the parts of my face I would rather forget and my ex-husband’s personality or some other insurmountable combination, but they came out smart and beautiful.
(Hey, Bob… that was a joke. Your personality is fine. I’m just going for a quick laugh. Your personality is better than mine.)
Birthdays are Not the Same When You’re Old
So, where was I?
Oh yeah… I’m not having a birthday. Thank you all for liking my virtual birthday on Facebook… but I wish I could get Mr. Boomerina to stop reminding people about my birthday. (I love you, Ray, but I’m afraid to see what scary picture you’ve found to outdo yourself this year. And, I know you mean well. You think I’m always beautiful.)
Maybe that’s my birthday present to myself this year. I won’t look at Facebook. It’s a perfect gift.
Birthday Apology to friends and family:
If I’ve said anything that ticked you off in a vain attempt to get a quick laugh, I’m sorry.
And, I’m going all “politician” on you. I want you to know I never said it, never smoked it, never fondled it, never had the slightest clue about it… and from what I recall… I delegated the writing of this post to some nameless person I found on Craigslist.
Birthday Rant is Over
I am going to stop this birthday ramble and go back to playing computer games or vegging out in front of Netflix. It IS my birthday, after all.
It MUST be my birthday… my kids called.
More Articles for Baby Boomer Women With an Attitude:
Photo Credits: Mr. Boomerina and Visiting Angels
- Main Photo: Ray's Happy Birthday Facebook post. (It's not what I would pick, but it's better than other recent photo choices. I'm not complaining this year.)
- Beautiful Cindy Williams Face Lift Eyes: Visiting Angels. Cindy Williams actually looks pretty good, but she looks like she's had work done. Her eyes will settle.
- Detail of watercolor - just learning: Small detail of watercolor portrait of daughter and fiance. (She is much prettier in real life. This was a practice painting on cheapo paper.) I've been playing with paint instead of writing. I never learned watercolors and I'm going to switch to another medium like oil. Watercolors are impossible.
- Step Grandchild Boy: One of Ray's grandsons playing T-ball.
- Step Grandchildren - Girls: Some of Ray's granddaughters in pool.
Honk if you hate birthdays. If not, tell me why you like them... I want to know. Leave a comment at the bottom of the page. It won't show up until I approve it and this month I'm going to learn to paint. (I'm terrible with portraits and watercolors... I just wanted you to see what I've been trying to learn. I'm much better with landscapes and other mediums... I promise. I shouldn't even put this on here but I need something to liven up the text.)