Apple-Shaped Women: 31 Rules for Your Body Type
by Tina Boomerina (Christina Gregoire)
I’ve been an apple shape all my life... even when I was 15 years old and was a skinny 110 pounds. Now, after 2 kids, menopause, and a lovely course of prednisone, I’m most def a true, apple-shaped woman. Here are my rules that I’ve developed through trial and error... mostly error.
My rules may work for you. On the other hand, your body may be a bit different. However, I’m going to throw them out there because they might help you. Or, maybe some clothing designer will read this and want to make a zillion dollars by listening to my ideas and coming up with a new fashion line called Bad Apples.
You Don't Have to Be Fat to Be an Apple
Even if you’re a skinny young girl, you might have an apple shape, which usually includes a big tummy, small butt, boy shape, top-heavy silhouette. I had that type of body even when I was a young teen. I also had/have big shoulders and short legs (from my peasant side), so if you have narrow shoulders and long legs, you’ll need to alter and adapt my tips to fit your shape. (These days, I have large breasts and I’m even more top-heavy than when I was a kid… oh well... I'm old enough to show cleavage without looking like a hooker.)
Tips for Apple Shapes With Big Tummies
The following ideas are not in any order. I just wrote them down as they popped into my mind:
1. Swing Dresses: If a top or dress doesn’t have a loose shape or a lot of stretch, it’s not going to fit over your preggers-like tummy. Look for swing dresses... what we used to call trapeze dresses during the Mod 60s. If your legs are short or you're over 50, most mini dresses should be worn as tops... not always... but try them on with various bottoms... even wide-legged pants or bellbottoms... to see if you look more balanced.
2. Tunic Tops: Long tunic tops worn over skinny jeans (balanced with boots) might be your "happy look".
3. Texture: Any print or texture that confuses people is good… as long as it doesn’t make you look top-heavy.
4. Top Heavy: Be careful with upper-body embellishments, but play with them because sometimes they work really well. Tops with details (like patterns, color-blocking, or ruffles) at the hips are fabulous.
5. Belts: Obi belts (in large sizes) rock. Look for large drapey tops and dresses in swing shapes and then you can put the belt in the right place for each outfit. (Try belting under your boobs… or higher or lower than your waist. Then cover everything with a long open sweater or an unbuttoned longline top.)
6. Drape: Good fabric heals all wounds.
7. Long Skirts: Skirts should usually be long or you’ll look like you’re going to tip over… stiletto heels are the same. (Skirts that come just below my knees make me look dowdy.)
8. Jumpsuits: Jumpsuits are impossible.
9. Necklaces: Long Necklaces are best. Scarves should be long and narrow... but long enough to make a hammock.
10. Kimonos: Anything with the word kimono is good (sleeves, etc). Short sleeves and cap sleeves should be banned from the planet.
11. Pants: No cropped trousers. Printed jeans and leggings are good.
12. V-Necks: Long open necklines make your upper body look more balanced. This includes deep U-necklines and square necklines.
13. Separates: It’s not so much the pieces… it’s how they are put together. Dressing an apple-shaped body is a freaking art form honed by years of embarrassing experiments.
14. Coats and Sweater Coats: Belted coats and Macs are great.
15. Purses: The bigger the purse, the smaller the stomach.
16. Boho: Gypsy skirts are your best friends.
17. Layering: If you must choose between layered Lagenlook clothing and your husband, you know the answer.
18. Elastic: Almost any dress or tunic is better without an elastic waist. Designers should consider adding stretchy smocking instead of elastication, but they should make sure the waist area is fairly large to start with. We are willing to pay for the extra time involved in making good smocking. We are also willing to pay more for larger amounts of fabric.
19. Hats: The bigger the hat, the smaller the stomach.
20. Jewelry: Try lots of bangles, giant earrings, and anything that might distract from your funny tummy.
21. Taste: Taste is for people with no imagination. (Don’t be afraid to go over the edge, just don’t fall off the cliff.)
22. Column Skirts: No column dresses… column skirts are okay, because you can control the top to control the proportions.
23. Zippers: If it has a zipper, it won’t fit. (This is not always true, but if you're leaving on a jet plane and you don't have time to send things back to the store and do the post-office dance, order something without a zip.)
24. Wrap Dresses: Wrap dresses (without ditsy collars) are manna from heaven… as long as the dress has enough fabric to wrap around your tum and enough flare that you won’t flash your fans as you get out of your Ferrari.
25. Lightweight: Look for gauzy items and things that say featherweight or lightweight or fine. Then, layer gauzy or see-through things over camis and dresses and stuff like that.
26. Dieting: No matter how skinny you get, you’ll always be an apple. It's your body. Learn to love it.
27. Jersey: Jersey rocks… the fabric, not the place.
28. Crew Necks: Crew necklines are icky, but you can play with them by playing with scarves and necklaces.
29. Ruching and Draping: Try anything that has the word "waterfall".
30. Caftans: The most beautiful word in the English language is caftan.
31. Other Body Types: We don’t want to hear you complain about your muffin tops.
I hope some of these tips give you ideas for how to work with your apple shape. I’m a boho chick, so I’m big on Johnny Was hippie tunics and Rachel Pally maxi dresses and things like that, but you can adapt these ideas for your style... like... if you’re a woman who wears classic clothing because you’re stuck working at a bank. And, as for you clothing designers… sit up and take notes.
More Fashion Articles for Baby Boomer Women Over 40, 50, 60:
Photo Credits: Prshots.com. (Unfortunately, the fashions are from previous years. Fortunately, the same websites often carry fashions in similar styles each spring or fall.)
- Main Photo: Asos.
- Kimono Top or Dress for Apples. Asos.
- Circle Shaped Body: Asos.
- Obi Belt Plus Size: Slink Boutique.
- Boho Dresses for Apple Shapes: Monsoon.
- Jersey Rocks... the Fabric Not the Place: Asos.
What do you think of this article? Can you think of any tips I left out? Leave a comment at the bottom of the page or pin us to Pinterest. Tina