Second Marriage Advice for Baby Boomer Women Over 40
by Stacey Doyle
Do you remember your first marriage? Many of us boomers married young because everyone expected us to. The peer pressure and expectations from our parents were overwhelming. As soon as we dated someone seriously, everyone expected us to get married.
The era of free love and other changes in attitudes often put pregnancies before marriage, leading to quite a few “shotgun” weddings. A few years later, many of us came to the realization that we liked our partners but did not love them. Who knew back then the second time could be a charm?
Coming to Terms With a Failed Marriage
The first phase you go through after a divorce is wondering why your first marriage failed. Some blame themselves and others put the onus on their former partners. Either way, the blame game just doesn't work. Once you come to terms with the fact it just wasn't the right situation, you're ready to get back into life. This doesn't necessarily mean marathon dating. It's a great time to explore your interests, pursue interesting hobbies and meet new people.
Remember, pushing romance the first time around didn't work. It should happen naturally because you need to have something in common beyond physical attraction.
Falling in Love Again When You're Older
Often, first marriages are based on intimacy and a crush. During this time of discovery, young people believe lust is love. Falling in love the second time around involves much more.
You want more than a libidinous encounter, because you know that passion, intimacy and understanding are essential elements for success. You might have a couple of partners before you find the right combination.
Much like first love, you can feel it right away but it's different this time. You're enveloped by warmth and everything just feels right for a change. Falling in love the second time around is deeper and more encompassing.
Relationship Advice: Self-Awareness Is the Difference
During your youth, you were still trying on different hats. You were often unsure of who you were and what you wanted to be. You may have believed you could change your partner into someone else, but all of these expectations fell flat. At some point, you grew up and grew apart.
After this experience, your self-awareness is keener. You know who you are and recognize you can't change other people. You learn to accept yourself and love yourself. This is the same feeling you want to have toward your life partner. It changes the way you view the opposite sex and what you want.
Knowing What You Want and How to Get It
After a marriage breaks up, you go through the inevitable depression and insecurity. Even if you have a sense of relief, there are a myriad of emotions to get through. However, after this journey of self-discovery, you learn what you want and how to get it. You exude confidence rather than being unsure. This makes you more attractive to the type of partner you really want. You see each other, respect one another and work together. Everything seems to fall together rather than being forced to work.
Advice for Older Couples: Finding the Joy
The second time around is filled with joy and satisfaction. You're an adult and don't feel pressured into doing anything you're not sure about. The decision to live together or to marry is based on your mutual admiration rather than expectations. This makes your relationship easier and more fulfilling.
Each day is a new opportunity to appreciate life together and work toward your goals. The trial run is over and now you're ready for the real deal.
About the Author:
This article was written by Stacey Doyle of Baby Boomer Media, a website dedicated to active baby boomers.
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