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Should You Stay Married After the Magic Is Gone? 21 Reasons

should you get a divorce

by Tina Boomerina (Christina Gregoire)

Hey, I’ve heard it hundreds of times. Women leave their marriages because they are bored, they are unhappy, they don’t have enough money, their husbands don’t help around the house, or their husbands are boring. But, I want you to think twice before you get a divorce.

Usually, women say something vague like:

  • "The magic is gone."
  • "I just don’t love him anymore."

Well, I don’t want to rain on your fantasy parade of having a better life "out there", but I have been divorced twice, and I want to let you know what I’ve seen in my own life and in the lives of other families. I've also been a divorce feature writer for a large website. I've read a lot about divorce and I've talked to a lot of people about divorce.

Abuse and Infidelity

Before I go any further, I want to add that, if there is any physical or emotional abuse (against you or anyone in your family), any drug or alcohol abuse, or any ongoing infidelity that is totally destroying your mental health, you should leave. This article does not apply to women in abusive households.

should you stay married

21 Reasons for Women to Stay Married

I might have left out your reasons for staying married, but it is easy for me to, quickly, jot down twenty-one things that might make you think twice about getting a divorce. I'm not saying that no one should ever divorce; I'm saying that women shouldn’t jump into something without knowing the real-life consequences that they will probably face.

1. Divorce Will Screw up Your Kids: If you are truly disappointed in your choice of partners, and you have no children and you have enough money, you probably should get a divorce. If you have children, even if they are adults, you should consider staying married for the sake of your kids. Yes, this is an unpopular point of view, but please read the book, The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce: A 25 Year Landmark Study (see Resources), before making your final decision.

2. It’s Hard to Deal With Kids Alone: No matter what you have seen on TV or in the movies, it’s much more difficult to deal with kids (and the rest of your family) by yourself. First, your kids fall apart when you divorce. Then, you fall apart after the divorce. Eventually, you will reestablish equilibrium, but it takes a while. And, I want you to know that it’s harder to be a parent to adult kids when you’re divorced. I'm not just talking to young mothers.

3. Marriage Gives You a Sense of Permanency: No matter where you move or what difficulties you go through, you will have someone on your side.

4. It’s Easier to Be Creative When You Have a Sense of Permanency: It’s also easier to be productive, easier to work at your job, and easier to find peace when you are with a partner. It may be boring, but boredom may be better than the alternative: panic.

should I get a divorce or stay married?

5. You Have More Money When You’re Married: This, of course, is not always true, but it is true most of the time. Your net worth, after a divorce, will be half as much as when you were married.

6. Married People Live Longer: No one has devised a perfect study for this, but current evidence says that “...single women face a 23 percent higher mortality risk, compared to married women.”

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Tina Boomerina (AKA Christina Gregoire) is a Baby Boomer born at the end of 1952. Her mission is to make the internet a kinder and gentler place for Baby Boomer women around the world. Tina's specialty is fashion for women over 50.

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4 Comments

  1. Mary

    Thank you for writing this. I'm going to stay in my marriage.

    • Tina-Boomerina

      Mary,

      I wrote this to help women. I hope you are making the right choice. You can always change your mind later on, but I would, at the very least, talk it over with a therapist or priest or minister before making a final decision that cannot be undone.

      hugs,

      Tina Boomerina

      • Mary

        Hi, I just wanted to let you know that literally from the moment I made the decision to stay in my marriage things have gotten better. It's early days yet, but now that I have the mindset where I'm fighting for my marriage rather than trying to escape it, I'm feeling more hopeful than ever. My husband is a good man and a wonderful father. I know that he would be devastated if I left with our kids. Hopefully, with more communication and time he and I can love each other again like we used to. 18 years we've been married, we've come this far. I'm not giving up on us yet. Your article really opened my eyes and I will always be thankful that I found it at the moment I needed it the most. Thank you so much.

        Mary