From Frump to Fab in Five Minutes: Fashion for Apple Shapes
by Tina Boomerina (AKA Christina Gregoire)
Well, “fab” is a bit of an overstatement, but it makes a good title. Sure, I used to be skinny like you, and everything looked good on me. Now, however, I’m around 30-40 pounds heavier, but before you start ragging on me about exercise and caloric intake, most of the weight gain is from a medical condition.
However, my style developed from traveling, and you can use my ideas any time you are on a tight schedule.
Yep, I got fat when I developed Graves’ disease (a thyroid disorder) and needed to take steroids. So, if you’re a Skinny Minnie, sit down and shut up, but if you’re a plus-sized, apple-shaped woman, sit up and pay attention.
What to Wear if You’re Apple Shaped
I’m not interested in telling you, a grown woman, what some 23-year-old fashion “expert” thinks you should wear. And, I’m not going to rehash the tedious clothing “rules” found on other websites. (Those articles are just summaries of what works on someone else’s body.)
My “tips” are ideas that have worked for me...and my ideas might work for you. Hey, it’s taken me a long time to come to terms with the fact that I may never get my skinny body back. Also, because I am able to get my weight down for a while and then my body goes all whacko again, with no warning, I need clothing that can stretch and shrink, as needed. (And, I don’t want to spend a fortune on clothes that may or may not fit me next week.)
Fashion Rules for Boomers
The only rule is, “There are no rules.” Well, that’s a bit overstated, but I want you to feel free to wear whatever you think looks good on you. And, the only way to find out if other people like your new, creative style is to watch how people treat you when you wear your new experimental ensembles.
Here are some of the items that can be found in my closet and/or suitcase this summer. Most of these tummy-friendly items were purchased on sale (online) or in discount stores:
- Empire tops made of stretch jersey (SWAK, Mossimo, Connected Apparel, Kiyonna – shown in top photo)
- Long cotton gypsy skirts with stretch waistbands (Dress Barn, Elementz, Tommy Hilfiger, Merona – shown in top photo)
- Jersey tees and tops (Old Navy, Soft Surroundings, Merona, Mossimo)
- Stretchy dresses and long tunics (Kiyonna, Style & Co, Simply Be, Karen Kane)
- Hats (My only major investment is in hats, because I know they will fit, no matter what size my body decides to be tomorrow.)
From Bed to Car in 5-10 Minutes
Because medical conditions have left me with fatigue and a box of colorful pills, I’ve had to streamline my “morning” routine. If I need to make a meeting or catch a plane, it’s important that I’m able to get ready with a minimal expenditure of time and energy.
As you may have guessed, the most important component of making a quick getaway is to have several pre-selected, easy-to-throw-on outfits hanging in your closet, ready to go. This summer, I’ve been heavily dependent upon tops or tees paired with gypsy skirts. I need to have several options (in different sizes) because I can’t predict when my thyroid will go bonkers.
And, you should have lots of options ready to go, as well. That way you can jump into something that fits your mood or fits the weather. Yes, you really can get out of the house in 5-10 minutes using my method:
- * 1. Wash your face with plain water.
- * 2. Apply Chantecaille (or favorite) foundation to even out your skin tone.
- * 3. Pull on a skirt. Choose the right top.
- * 4. Insert pearl earrings.
- * 5. Step into sandals or boots, depending on weather.
- * 6. Finish things off with a hat – choose a wide brim for sun protection or a felt cloche for colder weather. Tuck your hair up into your hat if necessary. (Your hat should give you enough color that you can travel sans lipstick when rushed.)
- * 7. Decide if you need a coat, grab your bag, and run out the door.
You eat breakfast or lunch when you’re out. Brush your teeth with a travel toothbrush-set that you keep in your purse. (And, stash some bobby pins in your bag just in case your hair starts to fall down.)
If you have a tight schedule or limited energy, you can find a way to crawl out of bed and exit the front door within five minutes...without looking like a bag lady. Younger women can do it in less.
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